No. 1. Lying/Breaking Promises:
In the publication, Motivation and Consequences of Lying: A Qualitative Analysis of Everyday Lying (2015), some participants in a lying study cited some consequences of lying as, “…loss of trust that is very difficult to rebuild, destabilization of family relationships, and severing of ties between the liar and the lied-to.” These are some of the consequences of lying. Lying destroys trust and what’s bad about that? Well, good relationships survive and thrive on trust, and that goes double for marriage. People are prone to lying occasionally, for any of a number of reasons. However, if he blatantly lies repeatedly, that tells you two very important things: you can’t trust him, and he doesn’t trust or value you either. You think you can have a great marriage with someone you don’t trust? Think again.
No. 2. Utter Dependency Does he cater to himself?
This is not restricted to financial independence, cooking, laundry, and cleaning. If he cannot do these things for himself now, don’t expect him to start after marriage. You do not want to marry a couch potato that generates work and doesn’t assist with anything. Marriage is a partnership, not a charity. Besides, charity reinforces Dependency Syndrome which is the attitude and belief that a person or group cannot solve its problems without outside help. This would cripple the marriage and leave you with dead weight, especially as he may develop a feeling of entitlement to being taken care of by you.
Being with a partner who has no goals or ambition would likely drain your passion and tunnel your vision. If he is unable to maintain even his friendships or his relationship with his boss, if he’s the kind of guy who gives up on his goals after a minor setback, he is not the right guy to be with. If his dealings with the people around him are hasty and he keeps cutting people off without considering the future, he can easily cut you off one day without considering his future with you. In this line, if he has no plans for the future and only always has get rich quick schemes, then he is not a man you should marry.
He cheats/cheated? To be fair, studies show that some men that cheat in relationships do so because of problems in the relationship. This is no excuse, though. If you can’t accept a partner you know is cheating before marriage, you won’t be able to live happily with one after marriage. Infidelity suggests a disregard for the rules of the relationship, and when discovered in intimate relationships could lead to emotional reactions such as increased anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Intimacy, Loneliness, and Infidelity (2015). If he cheated already, beyond the current betrayal, you wonder why he wouldn’t do it again. That’s anxiety and stress building. So stop and reassess. Most marriages don’t recover from the discovery of infidelity.
No. 5. Closed-Mindedness:
This is a terrible trait in any person. If he is not open to new ideas and perspectives, then he is not ready to be married. If he’s the kind of person that bashes your beliefs and social views or shuts you down just because he doesn’t agree with your views or you don’t agree with his views you will also see that the more time you spend with him the more you will see that the guy is completely unwilling to open his mind to new experiences, new perspectives, or even new things to do on those rare days off. It will suck a lot, trust me.
No. 6. Self-Absorbed/Misplaced Priorities:
Selfish and narcissistic men who prioritize other things over their relationships are the absolute worst. Both people in a relationship should prioritize each other in the same amount or else the relationship becomes very hard to sustain if one of you feel “less loved”. You need to be his priority always or there’s no point to the relationship.
No. 7. Uncompromising/Unaccommodating:
Has to win every argument…has to always be right. It’s kind of ridiculous at first, yeah? If he is the kind of person that has a fixed pattern and refuses to go out of his way to show you a good time or has the “It’s his way or the highway, no compromises,” mindset, then honestly you’ll be divorced in a few years or even worse become an alcoholic trying to deal with life with that kind of guy. Just don’t do it. It may not be worth it.
N0. 8. Too Much Alcohol and Smokes:
Now if this is something that you are usually alright with then there is no problem. But say you are the type that is bothered by these things and he doesn’t listen to you when you are constantly asking him to stop; He drinks frequently, gets drunk on the weekends, smokes weed a couple of times a day, or cigarettes and he’s becoming addicted. Keep in mind that this will eventually drive you nuts if you stay in a relationship with such a person. On the other hand, if you are worried that he is an addict, think of this; is he addicted to sugar or caffeine. Maybe? But does that make him an addict and impossible to live with? Not really. It all just depends on what you can live with. Is his preference for smokes or alcohol limiting his ability to take care of you? To show you love? To work a proper job? Is his thinking always subpar and not really “himself” most of the time? If in the end his drinking and/or smoking behavior makes you miserable, and that he prefers smoking in a corner or boozing instead of spending time with you, then it’s easy to see that you can’t live with someone like that.
No. 9. Uncontrolled Anger.
Outbursts Lack of control over one’s temper is a precursor to several negative traits including making regrettable statements and decisions, which will eventually spiral out of control. In the end, it’s a steep slope towards an abusive relationship.
No. 10. Abusive:
Dr. Eileen Scott says, “There is a strong risk of future perpetration among men who have previously perpetrated intimate partner violence and abuse.” A Brief Guide to Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse (2015). Well, if you experience abuse at his hands now, you’re almost certainly going to have to deal with it in marriage too. Abuse in marriage affects more than just the woman; it affects children and society as well. So, just in case you’re a masochist yourself, remember that it may not always be just you. According to World Report on Violence and Health (2002), “Research suggests that physical violence in intimate relationships is often accompanied by psychological abuse and in one-third to over one-half of cases by sexual abuse…” In other words, abuse spells a big NO! Stomp on those brakes, ma’am. It’s time for a rethink before deeper, more lasting damage is done. In conclusion, this isn’t to say anyone with any of these habits is hopeless. Instead, if you are considering marriage, they are reasons to pause, take a step back